How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
