morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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