That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
