just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
