No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
