Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
