so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I could fuck to npr.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
