im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
