If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My vagina just recognized that song.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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