I feel like I'm in dance class right now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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