I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
