There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
