Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
