there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
