There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
