so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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