By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
