the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
