Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
