So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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