She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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