my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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