I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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