And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
