I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
