Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
