He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
