I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
