i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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