I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
