I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
