I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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