we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
