my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
