So gin and wine won't be happening again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
