Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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