You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
