WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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