i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
