so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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