i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
