At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
