I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize