I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
