if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
