remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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