just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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