I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
