i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
