It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
