It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
