Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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