sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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