he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
