She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
