i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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