Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
