Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
