Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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