Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
