his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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