At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
