There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
