i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
