tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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