What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
