Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
