I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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