wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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