so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
