I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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