I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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