i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we made out on top of his cat.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
