you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
